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User blog:Bobdave/Bob and Loyg's Too Swaggy To Handle Rap Battles of Too Swaggy To Handlery. Cat in the Hat vs Puss in Boots
2 many blog in 1 week oh noes. Also ROA is in this battles, he's a Schlongdunger Cat or some shit. ---- 'Announcer:' NNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG ANALFACE AND FUCKTICKLE'S LYRICAL DELIGHTS CAT IN THE HAT VS PUSS IN BOOTS START 'Cat in the Hat:' Fuck you You're an enormous cunt in a pair of shit boots I'm the one who murdered your loved ones Did I say that out loud? Hehe, oops Fellate me! Elate me! It's great, eeeh! Now for some actual references Conrad Sally Thing 1 Thing 2 We will all have an orgy with your dog! Fuck you again! I'm gonna drop out a log! 'Puss in Boots:' Alright Cat in the Hat, I'll splat in your twat! Take your whack-ass raps back, cuz you're a fag in the sack! Puss in Boots will push his boots in your pussy booty! I am Spanish, you are a fuck Cluck cluck cluck That's the noise of a chicken but you probably knew Cuz you are indeed one! 'Shrek:' Ooooooh! 'Puss in Boots:' Normally I find fecal matter tasteless and dry But since it's yours, I'll give it a try! *Puss in Boots licks the shit* Needs more salt, I'll give it a five! 'Thing 1:' You liek to eat poop, eh? 'Thing 2:' That's very poopy! 'Cat in the Hat:' Indeed it is, so we're going to steal all your cookies! 'Thing 3:' Yes, a third one! 'Thing 4:' And a fourth one too! 'Cat in the Hat:' Suck ALL of our penises! Then we'll be blew! 'Puss in Boots:' Let me draw my sword and shove it down my dick That is my fetish, it's delish, I relish my prick Now it's bleeding profusely, I could have used that poopy To glue up the gash. Oh! it's being re-pooped, yay! Now let me grab this pile, rub my hands together Oh shit, all my blood's already leaked from my lever *Puss in Boots collapses and dies* 'Thing 1:' That was gruesome 'Thing 2:' Cat, help him, I know you have a heart 'Cat in the Hat:' Fuck you bitches, suck my fucking ass crack until I release a big splart! 'Thing 1:' Okay, if you say so 'Thing 2:' We'll purse our lips now 'Cat in the Hat:' But no biting, guys! Oh Fuck Ow! 'The fish from Cat in the Hat, whatever his name is, if he even has one, I can't fucking remember:' What was my involvement in the books again? Or the movie? Oh, that's right, I liked to kiss other men! On the lips! Between the hips! But I don't keep relationships! You wanna know why? It's because I'm just a fish! I'm like Klaus from American Dad, but not a faggot No rhyme, I just wanted to express my distaste for Klaus from American Dad *at this point, since nothing coherent is happening, a vole sneaks in and begins to rap* 'Vole:' Am I a mole? Am I a vagina? You'll never know Well actually I'm neither, I'm a vole There you go, now you know Don't take drugs and stay in school And drown yourselves in the swimming pool because I hate you *the vole slinks off awkwardly* 'Ant in Pants:' Yep I'm another animal in an article of clothing You bitches, I am loathing! Is there anything I like about you? Nah, nothing! Heylooksugar! 'A dog in clogs:' I peed in my clogs because I am a dog I am a dog who just peed in his clogs 'Schrödinger's Cat:' I am not in this battle, but I am also in it This is battle is shit, and at the same time, it's still shit! Yo, Cat in the Hat, you have no sack so cut the crap You think that you can rap, but you don't have a lap! Puss is a pussy, and his boots are loot Crate. No one likes Lootcrate, ya hoot! I don't know what a vole is, but it probably sucks Dog in Clogs, you may be a dog, but you are also a duck Ants in Pants you are small and so are your dicks And something that rhyme with dicks 'Cat in the Hat:' Who the fuck are you? I'm the best cat around I am so horny right now, oh my fucking god 'Thing 1:' Fuck me in the anus Cum inside my anus Lick me in the anus Fuck you, you cunt! 'Thing 2:' Fuck me in the mouth Cum inside my mouth Lick me in the nipples Fuck you, you bitch! *Suddenly appears* 'Suddenly:' Whoah! This is sudden! I don't have a physical form! Which means I don't have a mouth, therefore I cannot eat corn... Fuck... Anyway, you two kitties are shitty My lines are witty, I want to have sex with Walter Mitty! 'John Deere:' I put the Deer into John Deere By which I mean I run over wildlife with a lawnmower Suddenly can't even eat corn, oh yeah! Please could this vehicle go more slower? I think I'm gonna be sick Oh wait no, I just took a shit Carry on 'The Cast of the Carry On Films:' We're lewd, crude and rude And John Deere just poo'd We like our crotches nude And our crotches are glued! 'Loyg:' Who is John Deeve? Oh dear, it was John Deere Not John Deeve, my mistake, dear 'Bob:' I also just learned John Deere make tractors too So I'm going to also incorporate this into the rap 'Loyg:' Not if I do it first! 'John Deere (driving a tractor):' I'm driving a tractor! 'Simon Cowell:' You've got the X Factor! 'John Deere:' I'm a big mac riding up in my tractor I am a God, so prepare for the rapture! Actually, as a Christian I shouldn't be a God actor Instead I'll just take Mary Magdeliegneng and slap her! 'Harry Styles (ERBP version):' X Factor? More like shit on my chest! That's it! Cover my breast! 'George Harrison (the mixed race ERBP version):' You see this bag I have? It's full of my shit All over your torso is where I'll put it! Your band is bland, you twitty twat twit! What makes you beautiful? Kiss You? GAY GAY GAY ICK My two favourite birds are kestrels and eagles Now I'll bring in my backup, my band: The Smurfs! 'Papa Smurf' BRB, peeing 'Nazi Smurf:' Did someone say yarmulke? I sure hope not! 'Gay Smurf:' Did someone say offensive stereotypes? That's hot! 'Deeply Religious Smurf:' I love everyone as long as they don't disagree with me! 'Respectful Atheist Smurf:' You're wrong but who cares? We're both monkeys! 'My Chemical Romance:' We have joined the Smurfs, yes, you heard And Harrison, no one cares about your favourite bird! 'George Harrison:' I CHANGED MY MIND, I LIKE SWANS 'Smurfette:' I'm a whore whom they call Smurfette I like to watch porn when I surf the net 'Papa Smurf' I'm back from my pee and it's worth a bet That I'm Papa Smurf and now my girth is wet! *the announcer is caught singing along to I Really Like You by Carly Rae Jepsen* 'Announcer:' I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALY L... Oh... WHO WON? Uhhh.... FUCK YOU, I LIKE THIS SONG Poll Poll Cat in the Hat and the four Things Puss in Boots The Fish from Cat in the Hat A Vole An Ant in Pants A Dog in Clogs Schrödinger's Cat Suddenly The Cast of the Carry On Films Loyg and Bob's Mid-Battle Discussions Simon Cowell ERB Parodies Harry Styles ERB Parodies George Harrison, The Smurfs and My Chemical Romance Carly Rae Jepsen Smurf Porn that you shouldn't be turned on by but you are anyway /poll Trivia *Barry actually went to take a pee pee but we changed his urination commentary into Papa Smurf's lines :) Category:Blog posts